A Groom's guide to a Wedding

Ask The Boy – 38 weeks to go

Happy Sunday everyone! It’s a bank holiday in the UK this weekend, which means we get Monday off, hurrah! As a bank holiday treat, The Boy is going to answer the burning questions of some of my lovely readers (disclaimer: some of these names are pseudonyms) (additional disclaimer: so are some of the questions) (additional additional disclaimer: ok, all of them).

Before we get started, on an unrealated note, did I mention I’ve entered Miss Vintage UK 2015? I didn’t? Oh good, I’d hate you to think I was going on about it. If you haven’t already voted (and a massive, huge, enormous thank you to the 174 of you gorgeous people who have already done so), please could you click ‘like’ on my photo? You’ll be my favourite person ever, and I’ll owe you a gin/hug/cupcake – https://www.facebook.com/twinwoodevents/photos/a.10152666756157657.1073741838.30797112656/10152741483282657/?type=1&theater

So, onto the first edition of “Ask The Boy”…

Is it true that you think all wedding dressesare just ‘nice white dresses?’
Leian Paul Piper, Titty Hill, UK

No. Some of them are that beigey colour [Ivory, Christopher, it’s called ivory – ed].

Last week Carrie-Ann told us how she will be incorporating her dearly passed grandparents into the wedding day. How will you be incorporating yours?
Peter Moffett, Shitterton, UK

I’ve put a lot of thought into this. And I’ve decided to invite their children.

What sort of surname is ‘Dring’ anyway?
Thomas Darvill Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand

Good question Thomas, and I appreciate the succinct nature of said question. It’s a Viking name, apparently. Although not one of those cool Vikings that wear ridiculous hats and go around starting fights, but Viking farmers – the sort of people that work ridiculous hours and have a penchant for ploughs. I think the name suits me quite well.

I like the 1940s theme to your wedding. I am thinking of wearing an RAF uniform. What are you wearing?
Percy Kent-Smith, Shitterton, UK

You’re wearing a RAF uniform are you? Because you’re in the RAF… right? What sort of wedding do you think this is? Some cheap fancy dress affair? You’ll tell me you considered going as Hitler next, or a Tommy Gun-wielding mafia boss. This isn’t a 1940s-themed wedding, it’s a Carrie-Ann and Christopher-themed wedding. I will not be wearing a 1940s suit. Expect something geeky. And if you turn up in an RAF uniform, well I’d shake my head disapprovingly, and probably  say nothing whatsoever.

Of course, if you want to wear something old-fashioned. I am sure you’d look rather spiffing Percy. Rather spiffing indeed.

I understand you are going for a Doctor Who theme to your upcoming nuptials. How did you swing that?
Catherine Ford, Middelfart, Denmark

When Carrie-Ann falls asleep at night, she often likes to put the TV on. It helps her to nod off. What she doesn’t realise, is that I’ve been secretly playing episodes of Doctor Who to her while she sleeps. I started slow to begin with, a bit of David Tennant will always evoke some pleasant dreams. But now we’ve gone completely hardcore, and I’m wheeling out the sort of rubbish that Colin Baker did in the 1980s. To this day she doesn’t know why she can quote entire episodes that she’s never watched.

Judging from your previous post, you don’t seem to like stag dos. Why is that?
Stephen Davies, Middelfart, Denmark

It’s not that I don’t ‘like’ them, it’s just everyone is obsessed with playing up to the stereotype of what a ‘lads night’ is, and they’re also desperate to out-do one another. It’s a bit like weddings, really. We’re so eager to impress and adhere to social expectations, we forget why we are doing it. I don’t want an expensive stag do. Yes, it might be fun to go somewhere and do something. But do you know what would be more fun? All my best friends getting together and having a nice time, and no-one having to say: “Sorry, I just can’t afford it.” Yes, tying someone to a lamppost naked with a cone on their head might seem like the done thing. But do you think that, no matter how many decades will have passed, I will EVER find that funny? Because I won’t.

What do you make of the new Call of Duty?
Christopher Collins, Muff, Ireland

Ooops, wrong mailbox.

Christopher. You and Carrie-Ann seem to be having fun planning and plotting for your wedding. Choosing quirky venues, making sarcastic comments and generally being an overly pleasant couple. I must say, in the pictures I have seen of you, I do like your coats. You have a mighty fine assortment of coats that I would love to ask you about someday. Perhaps we could meet up for coffee or a beer. Or is it tea you drink? You seem like a tea drinker. Yes, we shall meet up in a rustic tea room and muse over everyone’s choice of coat. What a pleasant evening that would be! Anyway, back to my question. As I was saying. You and Carrie-Ann seem to be quite relaxed over the whole wedding malarkey (I do love the world malarkey, do you? You seem like someone who would). What’s your secret to happy wedding planning?
William Courtney, Horneytown, North Carolina

Say “yes”. Say “yes” a lot.

We’ve heard a lot about what Carrie-Ann wants from your wedding. But what is your idea of a perfect wedding?
David McDonald, Hookersville, West Virginia

Hi Dave, thanks for taking an interest. My idea for the perfect wedding is quite simple. All it requires is a woman that looks like, behaves like and, well, is Carrie-Ann Louise Cooper. And all she has to do is marry me. I can’t imagine anything more perfect.

If you have a burning question for The Boy, you can reach him on Twitter – @chris_dring. Just be prepared to learn about video games. And train delays. You’ll learn a lot about train delays. While you’re there, you can find me tweeting nonsense too – @FashionFarewell.

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